Christmas 2012

Dear Family and Friends: It’s December 20th and I am now sitting down to write our Christmas letter. Phew! What a year it’s been. Behold, our Christmas card!

We took plenty of smiling family shots, but for some reason, Amanda (who is our photographer) felt that this was the best one, and I agree. We're a pretty goofy family so it fits. Here are a few highlights from 2012. Amanda and Kyle: Loving their new Logan apartment and busy with college. Amanda graduates next spring as a registered dietitian. She is more than ready to be done with school. Kyle is busy working on his pre-dental courses, and scoring 4.0 in crazy hard classes, while working and finding time to make fun home movies. Andrea (19): Speaking of 4.0, she got one too!...in her very first semester at USU. She is a Math Education major, loves her college life and is very involved in all the extracurricular activities. Are you surprised? Pretty soon she’ll be running the place. We miss her bubbly personality around the house and love it when she comes home to visit. Dylan (15): Got his driver’s permit this year and his mom is freaking out. Dad is more patient with novice drivers and that’s a good thing! He spends most of his time playing the piano, guitar and singing. He still loves to play soccer and spending time with friends, who are mostly girls If you want to watch him singing with Mal, check out the post right before this one for a video :) Mallory (13): Still continues to play soccer every minute she can, and her daddy loves coaching her team. She got a cell phone this year and mom and dad are wondering if that was a good idea. It’s literally attached to her hand all the time!!. She is loving school and spending time with her friends (when she’s not texting them). Every once in a while mom can steal a hug from her (she hates hugs)… Duane: Busy with work, coaching soccer, and always doing everything in his power to make all of us happy. That pretty much sums it up. He gets a little out of control buying gifts at Christmas time because he loves to spoil all of us. I think he’s the only dad in the world who takes his kids to Rue 21 to shop for clothes and gets excited when he gets Kohls cash and coupons, but yet buys nothing for himself. That’s why we love him! After his hole-in-one this fall he’s hoping to play more golf next year…(that’s what he always says). Janice: As for me, life has been a bit hectic this year. That’s why I’m writing this letter on Dec 20th!!! In May I left my job of 18 years, and in August I accepted a full time faculty position at Weber State University teaching Medical Lab Science. I just finished my first semester (thank goodness for Christmas break!) and all I can say is that teaching college is really, really hard! But I am getting used to it and to be honest, I love the challenge. Everyone says it will get easier, so I am hanging on to that. Being president of our Young Women's group at our church adds another job to my list :). It's fun but I'm not kidding, I call it my second job! As for my health, I am still doing well (just got lab results yesterday!) 8 years cancer free. Still grateful for my blessings and grateful for all of you who always ask how I’m doing and pray for me. I am so blessed. I hope your Christmas is one full of blessings and happiness. We love you!!! Duane, Janice, Amanda and Kyle, Andrea, Dylan, and Mallory

Mallory and Dylan's duet

One of my favorite things to do is watch my kids sing. Karaoke is one of our favorite things to do together. Over the years our children have developed a great love for music and performing. Here's Mallory and Dylan performing Little Talks. I wanted to post this on Facebook but they forbid me from doing it. They were too embarrassed. I think putting it on our blog is MUCH more private...right ;)

Saying the right thing to someone with cancer

People often ask me what they should say or do for people who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. After all, having walked the dreadful road myself made me experience first hand the good and the bad. Wait, the good? Well, it did bring my family closer together...and the fact that I am still here 7 and half years later makes me realize it's almost all good :)

 

Having a friend or a loved one going through it is no cake walk. Just ask my husband and kids. They still remember! Dylan said the other day he brought it up in seminary at school. He was a second grader at the time.  Even Mallory remembers, even though she was only 5.

 

 Last week a friend emailed me asking this same question. Her niece was recently diagnosed and she wanted to know what things helped me cope, what people did that was helpful to me and my family. I wrote her a long email, and she said "You know, you should put that on a blog or something!" And I thought..."Alright...I'll dust off that blog I haven't updated in over a year". 

 

So in honor of breast cancer awareness month, and in an effort to help anyone out there, here's my two cents.

Those first few weeks after a cancer diagnosis are just awful. I can remember being so scared I couldn't eat or sleep. Here are some things that helped me cope.

 

 I longed to hear good positive stories of people who had been in my shoes and survived! Especially those who had my same type of cancer (grade 3 aggressive, triple negative) and had gone through surgery, chemo, and radiation. I looked at a few online support groups, which helped, but once in a while I'd run into statistics or comments about people whose cancer had spread and it affected me for days. So, it depends on how much she can handle. I do think talking to a survivor is key.

 

I  had many friends from church clean my house, bring meals for my family, help run my kids to and from their various activities. That was amazing help. I wanted my family to keep living as normal as possible, and even if I was too sick to eat one day, I knew they had a good meal coming. 

 

Some people gave me uplifting books, funny movies ( laughing was good and keeping my mind occupied). I had a lady sew me some head covers and my co workers all pitched in and gave me $300 so I could have a real human hair wig, which looks much more natural than the cheap kind. You can actually curl them, straighten them, and treat them like your own hair. The others can light on fire if you get too close to the oven...haha. I'm so glad I can laugh about this now!

 

Anything you can do to make her daily life easier will be appreciated. I'm sure that right now, if the diagnosis was recent, she is probably overwhelmed with phone calls and sympathy. Make sure that you help her down the road, when people seem to forget about it, or get used to it. The lonely and depressive times came later for me, when I was half way through chemo, still just as needy as before, but people were busy and didn't help as much.

 

Now, let me tell you about what you should NOT do. It might seem silly, but there were some things that people did for me that simply didn't help, or even made me feel worse. Here we go...

 

Keep the sad stories to yourself. I never appreciated hearing from someone's mom, grandma, or aunt who LOST the battle with cancer. As cancer patients, we know people die as a result of this disease, but we also know that a lot of people make it, so please save the sad stories. She won't want to hear them. It would take me days to crawl out of the hole when I heard of people who died.

Another thing I didn't like was people sending me flowers (I am so sorry if any of you out there sent me flowers, I still love you!!). I know they meant well, but flowers remind me of funerals and I couldn't handle it. I threw them away as they came. Spend your money on a frozen lasagna she can feed her family with later on.

Lastly, I didn't appreciate people giving me advice on what I should or shouldn't eat because it causes cancer. Again, I know they meant well, but sometimes I could literally feel that my cancer was spreading inside right after I ate that Twix candy bar. I have changed a lot things in my diet in the past few years (I now stick to the fun size Twix). =) Seriously though, I know there are carcinogens in foods and in the environment, but when you are in the midst of the adversity you don't need people giving your recipes or advice for cancer fighting foods, shakes, or secret potions that will cure you. It's just too much to handle at once. At least it was for me. Plus, the last thing you want to do is make her feel like it was her fault she got cancer to begin with, because of how she ate.

I hope this helps you. And for one last good story, I am happy and cancer free. I am a 7 year survivor! Feel free to share that with anyone who's just diagnosed. It will bring a smile. I can't be more grateful for the chance at life. So many women beat this disease, young and old. I know it wont be long before a cure is found. Let's keep praying for one. I know I will.